This is not going to be an easy time. It will be hell, it will be tough and it’s definitely not going to go gentle on you. If you’re reading this article for reassurance you’ll get it but not in the nice warm cuddly manner you’re expecting, because then that will be a lie.
Tip 1 – The First Phase
Surviving an immediate breakup is tricky because your heart will be so pumped up with emotions and your mind overflows with memories that it can be very hard to keep calm and make good decisions.
Do absolutely nothing for the next 24 hours. You will almost always regret a decision made during this time. Don’t call her/him back, don’t talk about it to anyone else because that other person may just not care and you may add to your emotional burden that way. And to be totally honest don’t think about taking your life. You’ll be nutty if the latter is your option, because once the next few days pass you’ll see just how stupid that idea looked at the time. So keep to yourself and get started on the next tip.
Tip 2 – Thinking vs. Feeling
They say ‘don’t think too much, that’s how you get even more depressed during break-ups‘. This time, replace the word ‘think’ with ‘feel’. Feelings get you down, while thinking helps you assess what went wrong and where in the relationship.
This is the next tip to follow, just sitting and thinking rationally what went wrong—emphasis on the word ‘rationally’. Take your time, cover all details. When you feel bad about it go ahead and feel bad but keep thinking rationally at the same time, try your best.
Soon you’ll get to the crux of the issue. Then you need to be open-minded enough to accept fault, if you’re the reason for the break-up, or to accept their fault, if your ex was the reason.
Tip 3 – The Hard Truth
Fact one, you can’t go replacing the one you loved with someone else. In similar fashion don’t immediately try getting back to the relationship. If you can maintain a friendship with them, do it, but don’t expect the same lovey-dovey bond for the time being. Patience is the hard truth most in need of learning. Things will not go back to the way they were so it’s best you change yourself to adapt to the situation than expecting the situation to change and adapt to you.
Tip 4 – What’s Next
Well if you really love this person don’t expect anything back in return, not even love. Just keep giving the way they want you to and sleep well at night with no pressure. After all, everyone’s human and when a person gives to someone they expect something back in return. You not only get to keep them as close friends you also increase chances of getting back together, this time on more cautious and understanding footing.
Keep your peace, because all your anger can’t help you at the end of the day. Finding calm, on the other hand, sure will ease your feelings and keep your thoughts steady.
However, when you feel like crying or bawling go ahead and do it, because bottling up and acting proud is a fool’s mistake. You’ll feel you can do no work in the day, but that’s okay, be patient, go through the storm. This too shall pass, so keep your chin up during this break up and let your instincts guide you, not your hurt.
For some of you getting over that special person will take some time. Do seek the services of a Life or Relationship Coach who coaches clients suffering from a sudden breakup.
Curt Canada coaches and advises clients at Adapting2change in Glover Park DC. Curt is a Board Certified Coach and a Member of the International Coaches Federation. He holds a Masters in Social Work and is a trained Life Coach from The Institute For Life Coach Training.