Recall the times when you consult the wise older generations about your problematic relationship – “Don’t give it up just because of a tiny little error in the whole mechanism.” Yes, it is true – for an early cancer patient. Try telling a terminal cancer patient “It’s just a tiny little tumor. Cut it and you’ll be fine” – You won’t get killed but will probably get kicked out. And it’s just the same for relationship issues. Search for the following warning signs and tackle them early on, before your relationship heads to a world class disaster. We’re not really equating the magnitude of what one goes through if they have cancer however if things are going bad in a relationship they simply continue to escalate.
Being Too nice
When the sprout of love blossoms, you spare no effort to make your partner happy – much appreciated and adored. But do you notice yourself sacrificing the time with family and friends? Do you find yourself doing all the things you hate to do just to please your partner? I got to know a friend from Hong Kong, who flew all the way to The States to pick his sick girlfriend up in the airport, and flew back to Hong Kong on the same day. Crazy, but yes, they were fiercely in love. And here emerges the problem – you are losing focus, and you are giving out false expectation.
Have I told you what happened to my Hong Kong friend? Four months later, they entered the hell of endless quarrels, when my friend finally realized this is not healthy for his life, and his girlfriend blamed him for not loving her as much as before.
Too much negative energy around
And way exceeds the amount of positive energy. This isn’t necessarily from the relationship itself. Pressure from work, family, money and even friends can easily generate enough negative energy to overturn a once-blissful relationship. Not that I’m saying you can’t control your temper, but the way you look, you walk, you talk is enough to show. Plus, negative energy indeed spreads like infection and your partner will be the first victim. Seek help to embrace the positive energy – save your partner and your relationship.
Criticism becomes personal
Sometimes, letting your partner know how charming he is as tempting as making him realize how stupid he is, and most of us just do the latter without a second thought. No matter who is “right” on a particular issue, personal attack is devastating for a relationship, more than you ever expect. It destroys not only someone’s dignity, but also ravages the love between the two. You opt to find a better way to express your anger.
Checking and tracking
When it comes to this point, guys may probably say,’ Hell yay! I told my girlfriend this was not healthy!” Yes boss, you’re right! 90% of the girlfriends I know check their boyfriends’ text messages, call history, Facebook friend list daily. Plus, they request a call or text to “report duty” 2 to 5 times a day. Everybody says this is crazy. Yet it is indeed the warning sign of insecurity in a relationship, and it is gradually nibbling at your patience, tolerance and love. Although girls never want to be the “personal security”, despite it’s actually tiring, they still need to be comforted. Guys, find ways to make your girl feel safe and be the tough guy she needs!
Absence of attempts to recompense
Every married couple brawls, and the secret of keeping their relationship fresh and lively is the way they repair after the arguments. Bring yourself down in the ocean of memories and see what you did after a recent fight – did you make good use of your humor, give your partner a warm hug to apologize? If you give a negative response, you are in a crisis. Argument itself is like a knife, which will leave scars in our minds. And if you don’t apply anything to smoothen it, don’t expect it will disappear some day.
There’s no way to maintain an intimate and fruitful relationship other than love and patience. Spot the warning signs and give proper care to your romance. Don’t wait until the bad tumor is metastasized everywhere to seek for advice!
Schedule a consultation with us here at Adapting2change if for some reason you’re seeking advisement, coaching, or a second opinion.